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I decided against VEDA, the main reason not being my laziness (for once in my life?).  I’m just emotionally drained right now, tired, and I don’t have the physical energy.  I’m still adjusting to a new sleep schedule for work and having a hard time sticking to my drastically earlier bedtime, so add into that my lack of being interesting and my laziness, and just don’t feel it this time around.  But I will be setting some time aside each week to watch some of the videos.  You know, for moral support.

I’m wicked irritated with myself right now.  I just got home from taking Alli and Grams to lunch, and I realized 25 minutes too late that I forgot my effing cell phone at my grandmother’s house.  Stupid piece of crap brain.  My cell phone is like an extension of my body.  How the eff did I even do that???  I’m waiting until my step dad gets home to see if he’ll meet me somewhere so I don’t have to drive all the way back there.  That’s 30 minutes of driving, and a whole lot of wasted gas.  I wouldn’t worry about it so much, except for the fact that I need the damn thing like I need air.  Aside from the fact that it’s my alarm clock for work each morning, it’s also the only way my husband and I can get a hold of each other.  You don’t want to see what I’m like when I can’t talk to him for more than 24 hours.  It’s ugly, people.  So yeah.  I’m just waiting to hear back from Grams.  I’m just so pissed off at myself for forgetting something so integral to my existence.  IDIOT.

(( And yes, when I typed “IDIOT” just then, I was saying it in my head in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice. ))

I’m tired.  I’m not getting enough sleep these days, and I’m not sleeping consistently.  I’ve been trying to take a shower at the same time each night, and then trying to be in bed at the same time each night, but it doesn’t seem to be working out so great.  I didn’t sleep for two nights in a row, and then the next night I got like 9 hours uninterrupted.  Then last night I didn’t get much sleep, maybe 4 hours or so, and I feel like I’m half asleep all day long.  I don’t know if it’s because Walter is gone or if it’s because it’s been too hot and humid to sleep, or if it’s maybe a combination of both, I’m not sure.  All I know is that things need to change, because I can’t keep going like this or I’m going to fall apart.

I actually feel like I could to to bed right now and sleep for eight hours, but it’s way too early to be going to sleep.  I need to stay awake for at least 3½ more hours.  If I have to drive all the way back to my grandmother’s, it will piss me off enough to wake me up, but I’d rather not have to do that.  What I really want to do is lay in bed and watch One Tree Hill while I try and finish knitting my step dad’s scarf that I’ve been working on (for a year now).  One Tree Hill will keep me awake.  I hope.  *fingers crossed*

Please God, don’t make me drive all the way back there.  I don’t wanna.  I will if I have to, but I just don’t wanna.

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***UPDATE***

I have to go back to my grandmother’s for my phone.  What I wouldn’t give to have someone owe me something right now, so that I wouldn’t have to go.  *le sigh*

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