I’m going back to work today. I’m ready, but also not ready. I’m still struggling with the pain issue (and not taking as much Vicodin as I could be taking, but whatevs – I ain’t gonna be no addict), and I haven’t taken my anxiety medication since before my surgery.
I also haven’t read at all. Or played on the PS3 like I’d planned. This is nothing like me at all. Maybe they removed a piece of my soul when they pulled out my wisdom teeth.
At the hospital they prescribed me antibiotics, steroids (anyone who’s been around for a few years knows those are my favorite *eye roll*), and Vicodin, so out of all the medications on my plate the only ones I can afford not to take right now are my regular anxiety meds. I know what happens when I don’t take those. I can deal with that for a few days.
I hate taking medication, period. Even Advil. Even more than that, I hate mixing medications. I called the pharmacy at least five times in the first two days to ask questions about the new meds for my face. (I actually called two different pharmacies, so that only one wouldn’t think I was completely insane.) Is it OK to take them all together? Should I stagger them? How far apart in between should I wait? Should I eat them with food? Are you SURE I can eat them with food? Is this fever sensation in my arms a normal reaction? Is it because I’m mixing medications? Do I have to take all three of these? What if they make me throw up and then out comes the medication? Isn’t that a waste? Does it still count as ingested?
And to top it all off, ladies and gentlemen, there is a hole in my mouth. A black hole. And it is in my cheek beside my stitches. Does this mean my stitches have come loose? What if I eat something other than Jell-o, and IT GETS STUCK IN THERE? What is this hole? Why can’t I see anything inside it? Is it supposed to be there?! I’m scared of this hole! What if this hole is where the missing part of my soul was supposed to be?! WHY DO ALL OF MY TEETH FEEL LIKE THEY ARE LOOSE????
It’s pretty safe to say that for the past few days I’ve been a frakking mess. I’ve been panicked. I’ve been miserable. I’ve been loopy. I’VE BEEN HUNGRY.
Actually, for the first two days I was not interested in food at all. I was interested only in things that sounded probable, reasonable, like “LET ME SLEEP”, “NO MORE BLOOD”, and “PLZ MAKE THIS GO AWAY”. It’s been four days now and I haven’t had a meal. To say we’ve added ‘inconsolably cranky’ to the list of miserable emotional states I’ve been experiencing this week would be an understatement.
But I’m going back to work anyway. Because I’m a trooper. A miserable, whiny trooper with bruises on her face. At least it’s only six hours.
I pity whomever is working with me tonight. Also all of my customers. I’m happy for The Destroyer, though. He deserves a break.