a jumble of thoughts and a rant


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You know, I’ve been using the same shampoo and conditioner for years.  YEARS, PEOPLE.  Not only is my shampoo my shampoo, but it is also my face wash.  Well, for over a month now I haven’t been able to find it, and this has caused me a lot of anxiety and general upsetness.  Well, this morning before work I used a new shampoo and conditioner.  When I got out of the shower, my hair felt like I had washed it with hair spray and my face felt wicked grody.  Seriously.  All day I felt gross, because my hair felt heavy and bad.  So after work I went to Stop & Shop to see if they had my usual stuff (Garnier Fructis Daily Clean, baby) and they were all out.  All they had was the Daily Care 2-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner.  Who even uses that?!  So I had a little bit of a melt down in the shampoo isle, sitting on the floor.  Then I left and went to WalMart.  All THEY had was the 2-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner, too.  I almost cried.  I sat on the floor and just stared at the shelf.  It didn’t even have a space for my usual stuff, no tags for it or anything.  JUST THE STUPID 2-IN-1.  I can’t use that!  Isn’t that stuff really bad for your hair and scalp?  Shampoo is designed to be washed out.  Conditioner is designed to stay in.  HOW CAN THE SHAMPOO COME OUT IF IT IS MIXED WITH CONDITIONER!?!!!!?  WHY IS MY WORLD ENDING?  WHY WOULD THEY TAKE AWAY THE BEST PRODUCT I HAVE EVER USED IN MY HAIR?  HOW WILL MY FACE EVER BE CLEAN AGAIN?  I can not wash my face with conditioner.  So I bought some other line of the Garnier and when I got home, even though I washed my hair this morning with the other crap, I took a shower and washed my hair.  I shampoo’d three times to get the other stuff out.  It feels better, but not great.  [I had a second reason to take a second shower today, and that is because I spent almost an hour cleaning the ice chest outside the store, and there was about a years worth of bird shit all over it.  I felt like it was ALL OVER ME.  And I was panicky about that, too.]  Maybe this whole freaking out because I can’t find my shampoo and conditioner makes me seem crazy.  Hell, I know I’m crazy.  But should I feel like my world is ending and life will never be the same again over hair products?  Because this is how I feel.  I’m not a beauty nut.  I just like what I like, and I feel like I need this shampoo and conditioner.  I need it to function.  I was SO off my game today, like my brain had been wired wrong.  I said stupid things instead of the right things, and I forgot everything seconds after I heard it (worse than usual).  I’m blaming the shampoo crisis.  BECAUSE IT IS A CRISIS.


One of my regular customers came in today in short-shorts and a t-shirt, and this happened:

Co-worker: (to customer) Shorts? Really?
Customer:  It’s beautiful outside!
Co-worker:  It’s like 55 degrees.
Me:  She’s obviously a Rhode Island girl, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WE ROLL.
Customer:  It’s definitely spring weather today.
Co-worker: *shakes his head*

Rhode Island girls know what I’m talking about.  It’s almost spring.  The sun is shining.  We’ve been living in 20-30 degree weather for months now.  Fifty five degrees is shorts weather.  Sixty five degrees is tank top/bathing suit weather.  No foolin’.


Daylight Saving Time and Standard Time.  I hate going back and forth.  I wish we could just pick one, EITHER ONE, and stick with it, don’t you?  Discuss.


Dear Diary


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Dear Diary,
You know how sometimes you just
The Destroyer and I just got done watching
There’s no money in my bank accou
There’s plenty of food in my apartment, but I’m too lazy to
I love my life.

Forever Yours,

A very brief, sad tale of two very loved piranhas. Very.


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I have been looking lovingly and longingly at pictures of red-bellied piranhas, online, for the past twenty minutes.  I want them.  I want them so badly.

Eleven years ago I was given two red-bellied piranhas for my birthday, and they survived the move to South Carolina (where I lived for six months).  A couple weeks before I was to move back to RI, I noticed and remarked how they were acting strange.

I know they’re fish, people, but when you stare at them for hours a day you kind of notice when they aren’t behaving they way they should.

Anyway, my ex told me they seemed fine, but I knew they weren’t.

When my dad was driving me back to RI in the moving truck, I kept my beloved fishies in a five gallon bucket in my car that was being towed behind the moving truck, same as the way down to SC.  I used oxygen tablets and a portable-water-filter-bubbly thing so they wouldn’t die of asphyxiation or lack of oxygen.  When we stopped for food and bathroom breaks, I would check on them, and they got weaker and more despondent.  By the time we made it to RI from SC, 19 hours of nearly straight driving later, they were dead.

I was devastated.  My dad had to get rid of them while I left all my things in the moving truck and went upstairs and cried for hours, even though it was 4am and I hadn’t slept in more than a day.  I loved them.  I wish I had pictures of them.  I miss them so much.

RIP Kronk and Jimm.

some thoughts from my sick bed on a snowy night


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Facebook is really pissing me off these days. I can’t even scroll down my news feed to see what my friends are up to without getting “recommended pages” after every few posts. I don’t want recommended pages. If I want to Like something, I will look it up and Like it. But I don’t want to like things! I don’t want to follow Will Ferrell or Kanye West or Dunkin Donuts or Miley Cyrus or ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry…’ or Donald Trump or Swamp People or Downton Abbey or Awkward Family Photos or Bill Nye the Science Guy or Channing Tatum! I just want to see what my friends have been doing! Geez!

It’s snowing here in Rhode Island, just like it has been in many other states in the US lately. It’s winter, people of Rhode Island. It’s going to snow. Why are you all so surprised and angry about it? It snows here every year. If there is more than two inches on the ground, if the roads haven’t been plowed and treated, stay home. You have bigger problems if you think you can’t survive without bread and milk. Like, perhaps you should learn to watch the weather forecast and be prepared, for instance. Or learn how to do your grocery shopping like a grown up. Don’t go pissing and moaning because there’s a frakking ton of snow outside and you feel you have to go to the store or you won’t make it through the night. And don’t blame the weather. For God’s sake, please don’t blame the weather. Here’s a novel idea: stay off the roads so the plows can do their jobs, and just eat whatever rice or pasta or canned vegetables you have in your cupboards. If you must go out, because you’re headed home from work or from vacation or you had to take your kid to the hospital, that’s one thing (well, three, but you catch my icy drift, right? [see what I just did there???]). That’s understandable. Don’t complain when no one is forcing you to leave the house but yourself.

Despite being sick I’ve had a decent day. I played video games and watched TV and blew my nose a lot. My bestie brought me soup and The Destroyer (basically) took care of me. I drank chocolate milk even though I’m congested, but I knew what I was getting myself into there so I won’t complain about that. Being sick sucks, but I know how to do it in style.



I’m tired and my body aches, so I’ma try and get some sleep. You just think about what I said.